These things write themselves.

Every morning I read the newspaper (East Valley Tribune). It helps me come up with topics for cartoons. But sometimes I find something that seems like it's already supposed to be a joke. Like this ad I found today:

Look at that stupid kid! He can't hit a thing! They actually show him swinging and missing. What a loser. This product is for the Dad who is tired of chasing pitch after pitch, not to mention chasing the dream of an athletic son. I think this makes me laugh so much because that was definitely me in little league. Here's my slightly altered version of the same ad:



I think this is a little more accurate.

F Minus Weekly Roundup 6-18

Click here to read the comics from June 18th through June 24th

Monday: What is it about kangaroos that make them fighters? And what is it that makes me love that?

Wednesday: This comic is for my sister Veronica on her birthday. Here's the only problem: When family and friends see this, they assume I'm going to put them in a comic too. So they eagerly look for it every day, and every day is a disappointment. Plus I can't give a character in my comic the same name as someone I know or they assume the comic is about them! Oh well. Happy birthday, Ronz.

Thursday: Happy birthday, Katie! (My other sister.) Also: today is the summer solstice. Notice the beach theme? Yeah, nothing is left to chance around here.

Friday: The prisoners have made a couple of appearances now. From the previous comic we know the one with the phone is named Mark. I haven't named the grouchy one yet. Suggestions?
Sunday: Stephan Pastis, creator of Pearls Before Swine, recently asked me if I ever draw characters from other comics into F Minus. I never had, so I decided to put his guys (Rat and Pig) into this comic. By the way, isn't that a nice looking beach? My mom liked this comic.

F Minus Weekly Roundup 6-11

Click here to read the comics from June 11th through June 17th

Monday: Playing darts is one of the many ways I get mentally prepared for comic-creation. I've got a dartboard on my wall at home. There are so many little holes in the drywall that if I pushed gently on the board, I'm sure the entire wall would collapse.

Tuesday: I went to an eight dollar automatic car wash and I had to finish the job with paper towels at a gas station afterwards.

Thursday: Happy Flag day! I think we should have gone with the cat flag. That cat really has a can-do American spirit, don't you think?

Friday: I just noticed that the intern has that same spirit as the cat.

Saturday: I bought a junky old treadmill for forty bucks and it's taking up a lot of room. I'm thinking about replacing it with a fish tank.

Sunday: Happy Father's day! My dad says this is what I said to him when I was born.

Too good to pass up.

Hate Mail!
I got this one this morning, y'all. As always, this is exactly as I received it:

why is the jerk ALWAYS the male? why is the butt of the joke ALWAYS the male, and NEVER the female? is this still the 1960's? are you drawing Your Father's Cartoon?!

why do you hate men? i have three children -- all boys, unfortunately -- and I do not let this NY Daily News in my house. Not only does it have your own man-bashing cartoon, but also Out of the Gene Pool and the one with the old lady who hides her old husband's eyeglasses in the cat litter. this is supposed to be funny, but it is Domestic Violence.

It was unsigned (of course) but I noticed in the email address his name is John.
Believe it or not, this isn't the first time I've been called a man-hater. It's really caused me to re-examine myself, and find out what sort of sexist prejudices I hold against... myself...

But this letter raises some questions:
First of all, can someone tell me if men were seriously oppressed in the 1960's? That's what John seems to imply. I wasn't alive then, so I don't know.
Second, if this guy loves men so much, why is it unfortunate that all his children are boys? Does he hate his sons?
Finally, this letter really sounds like a cry for help. Something about that last line suggests that John may have some first-hand experience with litter abuse.

To be honest, I love getting emails like this. These incoherent ramblings are just what I need to start the day right. That kitty-litter comic sounds hilarious!

Here is my reply to John's letter:

As a strong modern woman, I feel empowered by drawing comics that toss a proverbial pie in the face of my male oppressors. I wish things were like back in the 60's, when women ruled supreme, and men did our bidding. You say it is unfortunate that all of your children are boys, and I agree with you. You should start them on Estrogen pills right away! There might still be time to save them. Look out men of the world! Hide your glasses, because we have kitty litter, and we are prepared to do what is necessary!
-Tony Carrillo

I'll let you know if he writes back.

F Minus Weekly Roundup 6-04

Click here to read the comics from June 6th through June 10th

Monday: Here's something about me you may not know; I really like to play mini-golf.

Tuesday: I have a pretty vivid memory of those play-land things at fast-food restaurants. They kind of freaked me out. I think the bright colors reminded me of clowns.

Thursday: I like using the word "Jerkface". That's all I have to say about that.

Sunday: The first time I sketched the spider, I drew it more "cartoony" and less realistic. But spiders are just too cool looking, and I had to draw it right. I think it's funnier that way anyhow. By the way, that's a tasty looking hotdog, am I right?

F Minus Weekly Roundup 5-28

Click here to read the comics from May 28th through June 3rd

Tuesday: I heard F Minus was picked up by the Idaho Falls Post-Register and that got me thinking about potatoes. I love when anything gets me thinking about potatoes.

Wednesday: What I like about this comic is that everyone is so happy. I think most of the people in my comics are not happy. Therapy time!

Thursday: I've fallen in love with the Creepy Old Bum, and so has the nation. For extra points, can anyone tell me how many comics he's been in now?

Saturday: This comic stars my beautiful girlfriend Lindsay, who has been giving me the stink eye for a while now because she has never been drawn into a comic. I was saving it for a special occasion! Happy birthday, Linz! (My girlfriend is not currently seven years old; this comic stars Lil' Lindsay) Incidentally, I've had several summer birthday kids tell me that this comic meant a lot to them. I myself am a winter baby.

Sunday: I like drawing "historical" comics, but I don't like doing research. So the results are often disastrous.
I spent a long time trying to get these uniforms to look right, and I finally had to look up a picture of an archer. I think they turned out pretty good. I've been thinking about getting a crossbow, by the way.